A Moment of Reflection
by dancingonstars
Summary: A meeting between Dumbledore and Snape during OOTP discussing Harry's Occlumency lessons.


"You called for me, Dumbledore?" Severus Snape asked walking into the headmaster's office and sitting down in the chair opposite the desk.

"Yes, Severus. How is everything in your house?" Dumbledore asked a bit tired.

Snape knew this wasn't the sole reason he sought out this meeting. It was probably about the Dark Lord and Potter. It was always about Potter.

"Nothing out of the unusual. Except they are a bit more over zealous. They seem to enjoy Umbridge's tyranny." If Severus were a student today, there was no way he would be kowtowing to that old toad like his students were. During his school days he didn't have the need to torture the other students like his house did. Unless it was a certain duo…

"Yes, I can see that. Is it not mostly, if not wholly, the Inquisitorial Squad comprised of Slytherins?" Dumbledore asked for certain.

"I believe it is. Maybe with a few Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, whose family works within the Ministry. But they do not abuse the power as much as my house does." He never would have thought he would openly blame his students for something, but Hogwarts was different know. It wasn't completely under Dumbledore's controls, despite all the efforts to remain so. There were some concessions Dumbledore had to allow in order to appear to be cooperative with Fudge. Severus never thought much of the man, but he didn't realize how big of a dunderhead he was until last year after the Tri-wizard tournament.

"So, how are the Occlumency lessons going with Harry Potter?" Dumbledore asked hopefully.

"They are not going well at all. I've told you before he refuses to do what I say, he won't listen to me. I told you he doesn't have the right temperament or skill to accomplish this branch of magic," he said, as the anger that only a Potter can truly ignite rose.

"As you very well know, Severus, this is where our opinions differ. I firmly believe Harry can accomplish it. Patience is key, Severus. He has no idea what is going on and we can't divulge any information that could do worse harm to him. Harry needs to learn Occlumency."

"Yes, I know he needs to, but does _he_? He refuses to take my advice and heed your warnings. Why can't you teach Potter, Dumbledore? I know he would much rather you do it."

"You know very well why I can't. If Voldemort does learn how to access Harry's mind, he will try to use him to get to me and thereby cause more havoc amongst the wizarding world."

"But what if he does and sees in Potter's mind me trying to teach him Occlumency, then what? He will ask me why am I helping you protect Potter if I am a loyal Death Eater." Severus had had this conversation with Dumbledore on numerous occasions and couldn't change his mind. He knew he wouldn't convince him but he had to try.

"Certainly you can figure out the answer to that question yourself, Severus. You simply tell him, that you need to in order to keep up appearances for me. That you are not fully teaching Harry Occlumency, just the basics. Or if it really is true at that particular moment, that Harry doesn't have the aptitude for it, as you so put it." Dumbledore was starting to get aggravated with his reluctance to teach Potter. But how would he feel if he had to teach his old school rival's son, who looked exactly like him…except the eyes….

Severus had to look at James Potter's face every day staring back at him with Lily Evans' eyes. The eyes that in his childhood had looked past his ill-fitting clothes, his insecurities and flaws to find the boy inside that craved for pure and honest love, whether it be love of a friend or even a parent. She returned that desire for a friend whole heartedly. But instead, when he looked into those bright green almond shaped eyes all he saw was hatred and disgust. A reminder of the choice that he made and what it had cost him. He chose power that he craved to use against others, over the love of a friend that could have grew to be something more. Something that could have been extraordinary and beyond his wildest dreams.

"I just can't teach Potter. It's not helping. He keeps dreaming of the Department of Mysteries. He's even gone into the Hall of Prophecies. How many times I can't say, but I know he has. He is just as eager about that place, as is the Dark Lord. Please, Dumbledore, wouldn't it be more prudent for you to teach him?" Severus asked pleadingly. He would never beg, but he was getting closer and closer.

"Severus, why are you so scared to teach Harry? Isn't it about time you were able to overcome your adolescent grudges and insecurities. You know Harry doesn't have James' penchant for pranks on other students. His goodwill nature is more like Lily's. Oh," Dumbledore said in understanding. "I see. Is that the problem? You see memories of Lily?" he asked softly.

There was no way for Severus to deny it, Dumbledore knew. Severus just barely nodded his head.

"Well, that should only reinforce your decision to help Harry in any way you can. If it was not for Voldemort, Lily would still be alive. You would have the knowledge that she would be healthy and living," Dumbledore pleaded firmly with soft understanding.

Severus knew he was right. He had agreed all those years ago to help Dumbledore protect Harry and defeat the Dark Lord. Not a day went by that he didn't think of Lily. His thoughts of her always brought a sense of worth to him, but then soon it would be followed by regret and a pain so strong he never would have believed he was able to live through it. He had disappointed and betrayed the only true friend he ever had. Lily Evans was the one person in his life he could always count on. He knew it back then and it hadn't changed, he was in love with her. It was for that reason alone, that he would help her son. It was the only way he could redeem himself in her eyes, in her memory.

"Yes, of course." With one last hard stare and a nod at Dumbledore, Severus got up and walked towards the door.

"Goodnight, Severus. Lily would be proud that you were brave enough to come back to the side that you were meant to be on.

With a slight nod and a murmured, "Goodnight," Severus opened the door and walked down the stairs, headed for the dungeons of Hogwarts, the only real home he ever had.


End file.
